loop

If anything... there has always been a constant fact in my whole life. There is a feeling. It is there every second, every minute, every hour on every day, every month, every year that goes by.
Ever since I have memory of it. I don't know when it appeared for the first time, I don't know if I created it or if it is just a reality of the way I live my life.
It's a constant loop because sometimes... yes, in very rare occasions I actually imagine, or perhaps I just pretend... but sometimes it seems it fades, or at least it is not so alive, it is not alert. Sometimes I think it's gone and hopefully it happens for an extended period of time. Maybe a day, maybe a week.
Despite that I know that I am only fooling myself I like to brag about being down to earth as much as possible. Maybe I just want to believe that I don't see life in pink.
However it only makes the fall worst. It's a make believe that I use to escape such a painful feeling. After all... I know that it is going to be here forever. I know with "all my heart" that it is the only thing that can fill it. It will never go away. I wish I had any hope of a diferent future but it's built within myself.
It makes me feel broken. It makes me aware of the hole that I carry inside. Worst of it all: I have to place to run.
Yet with all these years I have managed to take it like a man (figuratively speaking!) and to stand up. Even though my heart is in pieces I will do it just like the book said: Los árboles mueren de pie.